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| How to blag being a Chelsea fan. |
Are you an undercover Sun reporter?
Is your name Donal McIntyre?
Are you a former rugby follower but now follow Chelsea because of their success?
Did you used to support Manchester United but now want to support the Blues as, after all,
they are your local team?
Are you ignorant of anything about Chelsea before 2002?
If the answer to any of the above questions is yes, then here is a rough guide of
what to say so you don't look like a complete ponce at games and in the boozer:
I don’t care, I fucking hate Spurs. (Interchangeable with any other professional football team in Britain or abroad).
East Stand Upper? Bloody morgue up there. Guess it’s because they are close to the cemetery.
Tell you what, I loved that Joe Allon. That goal he scored against Wimbledon on his debut brought a tear to my eye.
Remember that Norwich game where Beasant cocked up?
Yeah I was there in the Shed when Boro got us relegated. Proper booted off it did.
At least in the old days, players would give 100% even if they were rubbish.
Dean Saunders – what a wanker!
Yeah Alan Dickens – what a waste of money.
I can’t believe Dixon never played more for England. It’s a Yid conspiracy! He was much better than Lineker. And he
scored a brace against the Krauts!
I can’t wait ‘til we play Preston North End again – they’re gonna get a right kicking.
It booted off massive in the Zenith Data Systems Cup at Wembley in 1990.
It’s embarrassing going to games nowadays. Where were all these people when we only had 10,000 in the league?
I remember us taking thousands to every away game even if we had rubbish attendances at home.
Something inside me says, “God I miss the old days” despite our success at the moment.
Townsend was a Judas (interchangeable with Stuart and Roberts).
Remember when that ball got stuck in the mud at Palace?
Yeah I saw Charlton play at Selhurst. Paul Mortimer scored a hat-trick and we lost 3-0.
I was there when we beat VFB Stuttgart in the Cup Winners’ Cup final Had a beer with Ossie after the game too.
Remember when we had to play in Coventry’s kit cos we forgot ours a few seasons back? Yeah, and we lost too and
sang, “We’re shit, cos we’re in your kit”.
Can’t believe Boy George sang at the Bridge in the 80s… how embarrassing was that? We sang, “Do you take it up the
arse!”
At least we felt like fans in the old days.
Tobogganing in Tromso.
I couldn’t be arsed to sit on the Benches – money was tight and I didn’t want to pay the extra quid.
Yeah, Johnny Spencer – what a legend. And after the match he would occasionally come into the pub after the game for
a pint with the Chelsea fans!
Ken Bates – what a wanker.
Remember those queues for the Cup games and the guy at the front would have 500 season tickets on him?
Used to go to the Black Bull, but it kept booting off outside so they changed it into a poncy wine bar.
Yeah the Shed was great. Get in there early, start singing half an hour before the game even started. Those were the
days.
We should never have sold Tony Dorigo/Jason Cundy/Roy Wegerle.
I loved it when it booted off. The adrenalin rush. Got arrested but fined £10 once. Millwall away was the worst.
When United fans took the piss out of Matthew Harding’s death, that was bad. But the Forest away game was worse. And
none of their lot got arrested either, only ours!
Marseille away was terrible. Getting put in that hangar. Marseille fans throwing stones at us, and then us being
teargassed.
I shall never go to Brugge again. I don’t like getting batoned while I am waiting for a cab.
Scunthorpe away in the Cup.
The only time I ever thought I’d see us be champions again was of the Second Division/Full Members Cup/Milk Cup.
Yeah, when we were losing 5-0 to Man U and they sang, “you’re not very good”, we sang, “you’re not going home”. All
booted off after behind the West Stand. Shame, we pulled three goals back after they took Butt off.
Ossie was the greatest ever Chelsea player.
I was at the game where we thrashed Leeds and they smashed up the scoreboard.
Yeah I was on a few specials. There was one where we set the train on fire. Those were the days!
How embarrassing was it when the Old Bill forced you to take out the laces on your DMs?
Rotherham 6-0 ...yeah i was drinking with Borota and some of the players at half –time.
Wimbledon away 1989. First game of the season after promotion. Kevin Wilson scored the winner at the near post about
10 minutes from the end. I remember it being fucking hot and the away end was packed. I could hardly breathe at one
point.
Remember heading the bricks Orient fans were lobbing at us in 1979?
Bristol City away and setting fire to the stand.
I remember the graffiti that said “Bring Cundy Back” on the Bridge near the old club shop.
I stood up to applaud when Clive Allen scored for West Ham against us just after we’d sold him.
There’s no proper pubs round Stamford Bridge anymore – only poncy wine bars.
That Dixon penalty against QPR was hilarious.
What made that Feyenoord game memorable was Wisey coming towards the away end as we were locked in and starting
the “Carefree” chant.
What happened to all those peanut sellers around the ground?
Snowball fights at Shrewsbury away.
Remember when we parted the Stretford End in the mid eighties during that night game?
Is your name Donal McIntyre?
Are you a former rugby follower but now follow Chelsea because of their success?
Did you used to support Manchester United but now want to support the Blues as, after all,
they are your local team?
Are you ignorant of anything about Chelsea before 2002?
If the answer to any of the above questions is yes, then here is a rough guide of
what to say so you don't look like a complete ponce at games and in the boozer:
I don’t care, I fucking hate Spurs. (Interchangeable with any other professional football team in Britain or abroad).
East Stand Upper? Bloody morgue up there. Guess it’s because they are close to the cemetery.
Tell you what, I loved that Joe Allon. That goal he scored against Wimbledon on his debut brought a tear to my eye.
Remember that Norwich game where Beasant cocked up?
Yeah I was there in the Shed when Boro got us relegated. Proper booted off it did.
At least in the old days, players would give 100% even if they were rubbish.
Dean Saunders – what a wanker!
Yeah Alan Dickens – what a waste of money.
I can’t believe Dixon never played more for England. It’s a Yid conspiracy! He was much better than Lineker. And he
scored a brace against the Krauts!
I can’t wait ‘til we play Preston North End again – they’re gonna get a right kicking.
It booted off massive in the Zenith Data Systems Cup at Wembley in 1990.
It’s embarrassing going to games nowadays. Where were all these people when we only had 10,000 in the league?
I remember us taking thousands to every away game even if we had rubbish attendances at home.
Something inside me says, “God I miss the old days” despite our success at the moment.
Townsend was a Judas (interchangeable with Stuart and Roberts).
Remember when that ball got stuck in the mud at Palace?
Yeah I saw Charlton play at Selhurst. Paul Mortimer scored a hat-trick and we lost 3-0.
I was there when we beat VFB Stuttgart in the Cup Winners’ Cup final Had a beer with Ossie after the game too.
Remember when we had to play in Coventry’s kit cos we forgot ours a few seasons back? Yeah, and we lost too and
sang, “We’re shit, cos we’re in your kit”.
Can’t believe Boy George sang at the Bridge in the 80s… how embarrassing was that? We sang, “Do you take it up the
arse!”
At least we felt like fans in the old days.
Tobogganing in Tromso.
I couldn’t be arsed to sit on the Benches – money was tight and I didn’t want to pay the extra quid.
Yeah, Johnny Spencer – what a legend. And after the match he would occasionally come into the pub after the game for
a pint with the Chelsea fans!
Ken Bates – what a wanker.
Remember those queues for the Cup games and the guy at the front would have 500 season tickets on him?
Used to go to the Black Bull, but it kept booting off outside so they changed it into a poncy wine bar.
Yeah the Shed was great. Get in there early, start singing half an hour before the game even started. Those were the
days.
We should never have sold Tony Dorigo/Jason Cundy/Roy Wegerle.
I loved it when it booted off. The adrenalin rush. Got arrested but fined £10 once. Millwall away was the worst.
When United fans took the piss out of Matthew Harding’s death, that was bad. But the Forest away game was worse. And
none of their lot got arrested either, only ours!
Marseille away was terrible. Getting put in that hangar. Marseille fans throwing stones at us, and then us being
teargassed.
I shall never go to Brugge again. I don’t like getting batoned while I am waiting for a cab.
Scunthorpe away in the Cup.
The only time I ever thought I’d see us be champions again was of the Second Division/Full Members Cup/Milk Cup.
Yeah, when we were losing 5-0 to Man U and they sang, “you’re not very good”, we sang, “you’re not going home”. All
booted off after behind the West Stand. Shame, we pulled three goals back after they took Butt off.
Ossie was the greatest ever Chelsea player.
I was at the game where we thrashed Leeds and they smashed up the scoreboard.
Yeah I was on a few specials. There was one where we set the train on fire. Those were the days!
How embarrassing was it when the Old Bill forced you to take out the laces on your DMs?
Rotherham 6-0 ...yeah i was drinking with Borota and some of the players at half –time.
Wimbledon away 1989. First game of the season after promotion. Kevin Wilson scored the winner at the near post about
10 minutes from the end. I remember it being fucking hot and the away end was packed. I could hardly breathe at one
point.
Remember heading the bricks Orient fans were lobbing at us in 1979?
Bristol City away and setting fire to the stand.
I remember the graffiti that said “Bring Cundy Back” on the Bridge near the old club shop.
I stood up to applaud when Clive Allen scored for West Ham against us just after we’d sold him.
There’s no proper pubs round Stamford Bridge anymore – only poncy wine bars.
That Dixon penalty against QPR was hilarious.
What made that Feyenoord game memorable was Wisey coming towards the away end as we were locked in and starting
the “Carefree” chant.
What happened to all those peanut sellers around the ground?
Snowball fights at Shrewsbury away.
Remember when we parted the Stretford End in the mid eighties during that night game?